Hello again. I wrote a post a few years back about weddings and now I feel the need to add babies to this topic. I being 26 and single and sitting at home on a beautiful sunny Saturday night because I threw my back out and literally cannot move I thought I would make use of my time and talk about the things that my friends and I discuss on a regular basis. "Everyone is getting married and having kids."
Last year I found myself being sucked into this black whole that had swallowed my friends and as I sat at home eating out of the Nutella jar in my batman onesie (fella's eat your heart out) flicking through tinder because apparently that's the only way to meet guys these days. For many months I listened to my friends boy woes and how this person is getting married and that person just had a baby and did you see what's her name from high school perfect wedding photo. And together we fell deeper into depression of being alone. I felt like this for a long time and felt like less of a person because I did not have these things in my life. Below is an exert from a book I've been writing. These are true things that my married friends have said to me and how I responded in my mind.
Things a single person doesn’t want to hear and what I reply with in my head:
· Don’t worry, it’ll happen. What? What the fuck will happen? My fairy godmother turns up and makes me a pretty dress and sends me to my prince. Get real.
·You don’t want to be with the wrong guy. The wrong guy! Any guy would be fucking great.
· Maybe you’re too picky. So I just marry the first asshole that comes my way. I’m sorry if I want to spend the rest of my life with a person I can hold a conversation with and who knows what personal hygiene is. And didn’t you just say that I didn’t want to be with the wrong guy.
·I wish I was single. You need to be going around having hot single sex for all us old married women. You want to go out and hook up with some overweight fugly drunk guy who smells like stale cigarettes and Jack Daniels and then you wake up with him in your bed because he still lives with his parents and then have him ask you for a lift home which is forty five minutes away and when he gets out of your car says “your bed was comfortable” then walks away without so much as a “thanks”, or a polite “I’ll call you” even though he doesn’t have your number. Then a few weeks later you discover this uncomfortable rash downstairs. Yeah, go hot single sex!
·You just have to stop looking so hard. Guys can smell desperate girls. Stop fucking looking! I haven’t been looking for the past fucking ten years and I’m still single. But I guess you’re right if I keep not looking for a guy I’m sure he will magically turn up and knock on my door one Saturday night see me in my onesie and fall instantly in love with me because I wasn’t looking for him! Oh and I had no idea that guys are all dogs with their supposedly heightened sense of desperate smell.
This is just some of the stuff that singles girls have to put up with. Sometimes I feel like I've gone back in time to a Jane Austin novel and that I've reached an age where I'm no longer desirable.
Last year I found myself being sucked into this black whole that had swallowed my friends and as I sat at home eating out of the Nutella jar in my batman onesie (fella's eat your heart out) flicking through tinder because apparently that's the only way to meet guys these days. For many months I listened to my friends boy woes and how this person is getting married and that person just had a baby and did you see what's her name from high school perfect wedding photo. And together we fell deeper into depression of being alone. I felt like this for a long time and felt like less of a person because I did not have these things in my life. Below is an exert from a book I've been writing. These are true things that my married friends have said to me and how I responded in my mind.
Things a single person doesn’t want to hear and what I reply with in my head:
· Don’t worry, it’ll happen. What? What the fuck will happen? My fairy godmother turns up and makes me a pretty dress and sends me to my prince. Get real.
·You don’t want to be with the wrong guy. The wrong guy! Any guy would be fucking great.
· Maybe you’re too picky. So I just marry the first asshole that comes my way. I’m sorry if I want to spend the rest of my life with a person I can hold a conversation with and who knows what personal hygiene is. And didn’t you just say that I didn’t want to be with the wrong guy.
·I wish I was single. You need to be going around having hot single sex for all us old married women. You want to go out and hook up with some overweight fugly drunk guy who smells like stale cigarettes and Jack Daniels and then you wake up with him in your bed because he still lives with his parents and then have him ask you for a lift home which is forty five minutes away and when he gets out of your car says “your bed was comfortable” then walks away without so much as a “thanks”, or a polite “I’ll call you” even though he doesn’t have your number. Then a few weeks later you discover this uncomfortable rash downstairs. Yeah, go hot single sex!
·You just have to stop looking so hard. Guys can smell desperate girls. Stop fucking looking! I haven’t been looking for the past fucking ten years and I’m still single. But I guess you’re right if I keep not looking for a guy I’m sure he will magically turn up and knock on my door one Saturday night see me in my onesie and fall instantly in love with me because I wasn’t looking for him! Oh and I had no idea that guys are all dogs with their supposedly heightened sense of desperate smell.
This is just some of the stuff that singles girls have to put up with. Sometimes I feel like I've gone back in time to a Jane Austin novel and that I've reached an age where I'm no longer desirable.